Speaks in riddles, has many faces (and many bodies), and set Arya on the path to losing her eyesight even though he would have been burned alive if she hadn’t saved him.
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Anyway, where’s the scene where Jaime learned how to do that? It’s a skill he’ll need now that he has apparently broken up with his sister. And then he survived and taught me the word “whinging.”Ĭan I make a joke about masturbating with your off hand? There’s nothing in our style guide about that. Killed the butcher’s boy, then spent several seasons saying lots of mean things before being left to die on a rock. His irascible lust distracted him from delivering the killing blow against the Mountain. He would be much, much higher on this list were it not for that glaring oversight. He tried pulling a huge awesome gambit, but ultimately he was not prepared for the Game as well as he thought, judging by how hard Cersei outplayed him. She was basically an audience surrogate.ĭoesn’t know anything except for all the stuff Sam doesn’t know how to do. Loses to the Lannisters both in the Game of Thrones and the Game of Angsty Overprotective Moms.Įvery joke that comes to mind is far too reprehensible even for a “Game of Thrones” list, so I’m not going to put one here.Ī huge nerd who predictably finds love in a house of somebody else’s daughter-wives.ĭied because Sam found love in a house of somebody else’s daughter-wives.Ī marksman with a bow, loved Jon Snow, killed by a child. Somehow the most horrific character on this whole horrifying show. Probably the most chill and carefree character on the show, drunk most of the time, yelling a lot even though he really didn’t have any problems. Well, until that time he drank too much and got killed by a boar. Really sad because he still can’t afford to buy Khaleesi’s love. Though he technically still hasn’t really actually done anything since escaping Winterfell with Sansa a million years ago. His post-castration redemption arc has been pretty good. It feels like that’s all I should put here. Melisandre put a leech on his penis one time. Got fridged for the sake of Daenerys’ character arc. Not the most decisive king, either before or after he had sex. Remember that time the cake was too dry and it made his eyes bug out and his face turn purple and he spit foamy red drool everywhere? Hilarious.ĭid what she needed to survive, until it turned out doing what she needed to do to survive (hooking up with Tywin Lannister) got her killed. Wait, how did Mark Twain die? This analogy may not track all the way but whatever. The Mark Twain of the show, giving his kids a bunch of advice that wasn’t actually useful before he got murdered. Was a hot blond dude, but now (after a casting change) is just a regularly attractive brown-haired dude who was banished from Dany’s bed because who cares about love anyway? If he shows up in season 8 I’ll bump him up much higher because he actually was pretty good. He’s like the Count Dooku of this show, acting like he’s working for himself though he’s really just a pawn who probably will get his head cut off by young Darth Vader. I’m from Alabama, so I was extremely not pulling for him.įailed to become pretty enough to be the new Jon Snow. Rewatching those early seasons knowing that’s gonna happen exposes Robb for the lame dude he really is.īasically a stodgy, moralistic Southern Baptist minister. The Red Wedding was a coming of age for viewers of the show. Who? (I feel bad for this joke after season 6, but I’m going to leave it) So here’s 52 major characters ranked instead.Ī total jackass, Viserys had maybe the best death in the whole series: having molten gold dumped on his head.
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But even with quarantine still in full swing - or at least my quarantine is, since I’m lucky enough to have a job that doesn’t require me to leave my apartment - I don’t have time for all that. If I had an unlimited amount of time, I’d rank every single person who ever had a speaking part over the course of the show’s eight seasons. “Game of Thrones” has a lot of characters.
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